


Horny Havoc

by Cobrafantasies



Category: Episodes (TV), Matt Leblanc (Actor), Matt Leblanc (Episodes) - Fandom
Genre: Adult Content, Adultery, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Language, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2086194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobrafantasies/pseuds/Cobrafantasies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt LeBlanc is trying to make his TV comeback, but things don't go as planned. To top off his career struggles, his impulsive behavior and chaotic love life cause even more obstacles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horny Havoc

**Author's Note:**

> [About the real show] Episodes is a show co owned with Showtime and the BBC, it’s about bringing a British hit TV show to America and the states ruining the show in the process. Matt LeBlanc plays a very exaggerated version of himself. Sean and Beverly Lincoln are the British writers who are forced to hire Matt and turn their sophisticated show into a comedy about a hockey team called “Pucks” I highly suggest it, look it up online or on Netflick!
> 
> [My story] My version of Episodes takes place after season one. Basically, everything in season one happened, but now I'm rewriting season two. I may have included some events that actually happen in the show in and past season two though, sorry if it’s confusing.

I drive into my parking space with my name marked on it: “Matt LeBlanc” it reads. Now, when I see it I want to spit on it rather than smile from the sight of it. When I first got this show it was awesome. I was the star of “Pucks” and playing a hockey coach, it was going to be my ultimate comeback. And now what has this show got me? It got me a stupid no name part to the damn kids of the show.

It officially went down in the ratings and the network figured out the kids were testing hiring than me with audiences. I can’t believe this, they can’t even act!

I hate work now, I mean it’s money, but I need a new show.

I walk into work and run into Morning Randolph, my co-worker. The woman is probably older than me, but with plastic surgery you’d never know. She’s too fake for me though; I’d only be in it for her boobs. And I could never have a thing with her cause she had a thing with a boss Merc like twenty years ago.

“Hey,” I greet her tiredly.

“Hey,” she’s putting cigarettes back in her purse.

Morning’s playing the librarian that my character has a huge thing for, so me not being the star anymore means way less airtime for her character too.

“Oh hey you going to Diaz’s party tonight?” she suddenly asks me. Cameron Diaz is having some huge thing at her house tonight, I was hoping to go.

“Eh, I can’t I have my kids this weekend.”

“Mm, sucks,” she replies meekly.

I walk into my dressing room to start my awful day.

The only good part about going to work is actually hanging out with Sean. He’s one of the writers and we really hit it off until I slept with his wife Beverly. To my defense, I was pretty drunk and she wouldn’t stop kicking me— it’s a long story. Besides, the self-cock block….not my kind of move.

Anyway, after weeks of trying to apologize and two very expensive cars masquerading as apologetic gifts, I think we’re basically back to normal. Which I’m so thankful for, cause if I didn’t have Sean I honestly would be going insane in this shit-hole of a situation.

Speak of the devil, Sean walks into my dressing room in this moment.

“Hey Matt, we have a few changes,” he says and hands me an updated script for today’s shoot.

I give him a sad look.

“What, cut my three lines to two?” I half joke about how little I’m in the show these days.

“No,” he answers with an honest sorrow behind it.

I take the script from him and look it over.

“So, any exciting plans for the weekend?” He asks.

“Well, I have my boys this weekend, which is great, but I just found out about a party Cameron Diaz is throwing, I wish I could go,” I shrug.

“Wow, Cameron Diaz…that’s…wait, you don’t think it’s alright to bring your kids with you, right?” he checks.

I give him a look.

“I _know_ , I’m not going,” I tell him.

“Okay, good,” he nods.

“Hey, you know you should go,” I jump.

“What?”

“Yeah, come on, you have to get out there again.”

“No, no I can’t go to _Cameron Diaz’s_ party. I would look like a mop in the corner, that is even if they let me in!”

“No hey I can pull some strings and make sure you get in,” I tell him.

He shakes his head no.

“Seany, you need this.”

“I don’t, actually,” he suddenly looks up at the ceiling and my eyebrows rise with curiosity.

“You saying, you’re seeing someone?”

“Maybe, it’s not really any of your business,” he throws at me.

“Someone from work?”

“I’m not telling.”

“She famous? Where’d you meet her, at a bar?” I keep asking.

“Matt, I am not going to tell you.”

“Why?” I whine.

“’Cause it’s none of your business. I just don’t need to go to that party and I certainly don’t need your help in finding someone.”

“Hey, what’s that’s supposed to mean?” I ask.

“Oh I don’t know, says the guy who’s the reason my marriage is over.”

He always throws it back at me, even though we’re a lot better now.

“Hey, I thought we were past that!”

“We’ll never be past that,” Sean reminds me. “But regardless, I really don’t think anyone should turn to you for relationship advice,” he argues.

“Hey, I’ve been married.”

He gives me a wild look.

“Okay, well still, I’ve had good relationships.”

“For how long?”

“Alright, you know what, I don’t need to prove anything, I can be a good guy.”

“Yeah, could be.”

“So mean today, Mr. England,” I fake a British accent.

“Alright, be on set in twenty minutes,” he says.

He walks out.

God, now it’s killing me I don’t know who he’s seeing. Who could it be? I have to know, I’ll get it out of him eventually.

* * *

After the day finally ends, I drive to my ex-wife’s house to pick up my two sons. We have shared custody, but I swear Diane is just waiting for me to mess up bad enough that I lose all of my custody. She’s had it in for me since I slept with her best friend, but to my defense our marriage clearly wasn’t roses from the start.

I spend the rest of my evening with my boys and then we get up early the next morning. After a few hours of Saturday morning cartoons they tell me they are bored. It’s raining out, so we can’t swim or have a catch, or go to Disneyland.

“How about a board game?” I offer.

“Why do you think they called them ‘board games’ dad?” Michael asks. I don’t need an explanation, but Aiden follows up anyway.

“Cause they’re _boring_!” he shouts.

I roll my eyes as they turn back to the TV.

“Come on dad we want to do something!” Aiden complains.

“Alright, what do you want to do?”

“We don’t know!” Michael whines.

“Well, decide boys, want to go out? We can go to the movies or the mall?”

“NO!” they yell and I let out an annoyed sigh.

“Can we play with a friend?” Aiden asks.

“Yeah yeah!” Michael excitedly agrees and they both turn to me with puppy dog eyes.

“I don’t want a third kid here, I can’t even entertain you two,” I argue.

“We can go to their house!”

I think it over and realize it’s a weight off my shoulder. I love my boys, but days like these are exhausting when it’s raining and they’re being impossible. I also remember that Cameron’s party is tonight and maybe I could actually go.

“Okay, we can do that. And maybe you boys can even sleep over?” I add and their eyes light up.

They call up one of their friends and they’re set to go, but tell me they can’t sleep over because their friend has plans the next day.

I sigh.

“Well, let’s ask another friend,” I suggest.

“No, we want to hang out with Drew!” they complain.

“Fine,” I grunt, figuring maybe I’ll hit the party for just a few hours.

* * *

I drop the boys off at their friend’s house. The boy’s mother answers the door. She’s surprisingly pretty, she's probably a few years younger than me, with long brown hair and blue eyes.

“Hi,” she smiles brightly at me and then looks down at the boys.

“Hey boys! Drew is in his room, go ‘head up,” she tells them animatedly.

“Thanks Ms. Marshal!” They both chirp and then run up the stairs. I watch them run up and then I look back to Drew’s attractive mom.

“I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Matt,” I introduce myself.

She smiles and bites her lip in a cute, sexy way.

“No, we haven’t Matt, I’m Joy,” she chuckles, she clearly knows who I am.

I nod my head with a large grin.

“Nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” she can’t stop smiling. Maybe I wouldn’t mind staying in tonight, I think to myself.

“Well, uh when should I pick the boys back up?” I ask.

“Well, actually if you want to stay for a cup of coffee or something, you’re welcome to… unless you have work or you’re busy or something?” she invites me in, which I was counting on.

“I always have time for coffee with a beautiful woman,” I charm her. She extends her arm out for me to come in and then shuts the door behind me.

“Great, uh just make yourself comfortable,” she hurries to the couch to throw some action figures off.

“Sorry,” she adds while tossing them across the room, not caring where they end up. I sit down and she heads to the kitchen to make the coffee. 

We sit and talk for a few hours until dinnertime roles around. I’ve already completely forgot about the party when the boys run down and Drew tells his mom they are hungry.

“Well, I better get them home then,” I state.

“Are you sure?” Joy jumps up.

“Yeah, thanks so much for the coffee, I had a great time,” I tell her.

“Oh no problem, it was so fun. And anytime the boys here want to have another play date with Drew, you bring them right over… or of course Diane can bring them over too,” she says with a cute face saying she hopes it’s me.

I give her an impish grin and then step towards the door.

“Yeah, you know what let me give you my house line so that if they’re ever here and you can’t reach Diane for some reason…” I tell her and she quickly hands me her cell phone.

“Okay, thanks,” she says and I enter my house number in her phone.

“Okay great, come on boys,” I call and they walk over.

The kids say their goodbyes and we head out. I open the back door of the car and they hop inside. I help them with their seatbelts.

“So, you guys really like Drew, right?”

“Yeah?” they answer, looking at me strange.

“No, good cause I think he’s a great kid, I’m glad. We have to see Drew more often.”

* * *

At the end of the weekend, I drop the boys back off at Diane’s. They run inside the second she opens the door.

“Hi mom!” they both yell as they rush past her.

“Hey, how about a hug or kiss hello?” she screams after them. She turns back to me.

“Any trouble?”

“Nope, just hung out and took them to their friend Drew’s house on Saturday,” I tell her while handing her their overnight bags.

“Drew? Oh no, you met Joy,” she narrows her eyes at me.

“Yeah, I met her when I dropped them off,” I give her an annoyed look she would be so accusing.

“You just dropped them off?” she crosses her arms.

“Alright, she invited me in for coffee, but I didn’t fuck her, relax! Nothing happened, the boys were right upstairs,” I argue.

“Like that would have stopped you,” she rolls her eyes at me.

“I’m not that much of a pig,” I attest.

I then receive the biggest death stare of my life because I already got walking in on by the boys while screwing the babysitter, whom Diane hired to be around when I was with them because she didn’t trust me.

I shake my head.

“Alright, alright… they were asleep,” I cough my excuse for that time under my breath, but Diane doesn’t ease up on her devil glare.

“Look, just don’t sleep with her. Don’t mess this up for them,” she warns me.

“How would me having sex mess up our kids’ friendship with Drew?”

She shoots me with another stinging look.

I lift my hands with innocence.

“Fine, fine,” I say to cut her off already. “See you next week,” I say and then walk back to my car.

* * *

As if it's an evil sign, a few days later I get a call on my house line.

I pick up and it’s Joy.

“Oh, _hey_ ,” I reply incited after hearing her name.

“I probably shouldn’t be calling, I know it’s kind of late and you’re probably busy, but…I was just wondering if you were with your boys tonight?” she asks and I lift my eyebrows, greatly intrigued by her question already.

“No, I’m not, why?”

“It’s silly, it’s just Drew’s at his father’s tonight and…well, I’m in this big empty house all by myself,” she talks low into the phone.

My mouth opens while I imagine all the possibilities flowing through my mind.

“Mm, that seems lonely,” I answer in a sympathetic tone.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called, I just — I had such a great time with you the other day, I thought maybe if you’re not doing anything… we could…”

I can tell she’s nervous and I think starting to re-think her decision to call me so I cut off her nervous rambling.

“I’d love to,” I say.

“Really? Okay great.”

“I’ll be right over,” I tell her.

“Okay…okay wow, I mean… I can’t wait,” she stammers and I smile widely.

“Okay, see you soon,” I chuckle through the phone and then hang up.

* * *

We’re back on Joy’s couch, and she asks if I want some wine.

“I never pass up wine.”

She smiles and hurries to the kitchen to get two glasses and a bottle.

We sit and talk for an hour while sipping from our wine glasses.

The whole time she’s telling me about her struggles of being a single parent. I don’t think she meant to get on the topic, but it happened and now I couldn’t stop her even if I wanted to. It doesn’t matter because I’m caught up in still debating if I should sleep with her, even though I already made the conscious trip out here. I know she’s hot and I definitely know I want to, but I also know if Diane finds out she will be so pissed at me. Especially if my sleeping with her somehow does ruin our kids’ friendships, even though I really can’t see that happening, she will definitely explode.

But at the same time I’m already here and Joy is clearly into me. She invited me over, at night, and now we’re drinking wine and we’re alone in her house. I doubt she just wants to talk. I finally get back to reality and try to listen to what she’s saying. Luckily, she soon realizes she’s rambling.

“Oh my god, how long have I been talking about being a single mother and oh god, you don’t want to hear about this,” she blushes.

“No, I get it, it must be tough. Definitely tougher than I have it,” I say and she presses her lips together in a surprised appreciation.

“Well, I’m sorry to bore you nonetheless, I just don’t get much alone time with actual grown-ups,” she laughs and I smile.

“I spend the whole time Drew is in school running errands and half the time he’s with his father I have to go to stupid PTA meetings or something,” she pesters.

“Well, thank god for alcohol,” I raise my glass and she chuckles.

“Yes,” she raises hers to mine and we clink our glasses and both finish what’s left in them.

We place them down on the coffee table in front of us.

“I really am sorry if I bored you, you don’t have to stay you know,” she says, doubting herself again.

“No, I’m having a great time,” I lie.

I mean I’m not miserable, I’m used to pretending to listen to hot women talk.

“Yeah? Well, what’s going on with you? I mean you’re a TV star I’m sure your life is way more exciting. How Pucks?” she asks genuinely, even though hearing the name of my stupid show makes me more disinterested than hearing her life story.

“Yeah, you know it’s good having a show, and yeah, fun to film,” I fib. She waits to hear more so I try going on.

“I like the people I work with and—”

She suddenly cuts me off with her lips strongly pressing against me. I’m thrown off by her surprise attack. She quickly retreats and pushes a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that, I…haven’t dated a man in a long time and…I shouldn’t have done that,” she spills nervously.

“It’s okay,” I try to cut in, but she goes on.

“I’m sure you not interested in someone like me, I don’t even know your relationship status! I’m being so—”

I take her hand in mine and it immediately shuts her up.

“Actually, I…” I begin in a deep tone. I lean in a little closer and she’s frozen, waiting for my next word, my next move.

“I am interested,” I breathe in a sincere tone.

“You are?” her voice is hushed with wonder.

I lean in even closer and I see her eyes drop to my lips.

“I’m _very_ interested,” I breathe seductively.

I wait a second and then lean in fully to press my lips back to hers. I move them intensely slow against her own, spawning romance to the kiss. She only moves her lips, but the rest of her stays locked. I place my hand below her ear and slide it to her neck as I start to kiss her more and draw her closer to me. I take my other hand and glide it down her arm to give her the notion she can move now. She accepts this and in a second her hands travel to the collar of my shirt and then brush up through my hair. I kiss her harder now and she picks up the pace as well. Within another few seconds her hands start grabbing rather than feeling and in another second she pounces on top of me. And in about nine minutes, I’m climaxing on her couch.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love some feedback, thanks to everyone reading!


End file.
